Dec 5, 2011
Vickie is the author of the Demand Euphoria Blog and
Parent-Free By
Choice Blog. In this interview we discuss the concept of
"Parent-Free By Choice", which is the choice of some adults to
voluntarily separate from one or both parents. Vicky talks about
why this choice, although quite widespread, is viewed as a taboo
subject. Vickie shares her thoughts on whether or not adults who choose to cease
contact with their parents are "running away" from issues that they
should stay and face up to:
"There is this whole stigma about "running away from your
problems". It starts with kids and bullying in school where
everyone says running away from a bully doesn't do anything, you
have to stick in there and face it. That carries over into our
family relationships: this idea that "no matter what they do to you
they are still your family" and you are supposed to toughen up,
figure it out, forgive or whatever. I think that is unfortunate
because it allows people to keep treating each other badly. I think
running away from somebody who is treating you badly is actually a
good thing because you deserve better and you shouldn't put up with
it. I think removing yourself from a toxic situation is good for
you."
Here are Vickie's thoughts on the question of whether people owe
their parents anything:
"I have often thought about this concept of your parents giving
you the "gift of life", but I always think about that word gift and
think about how...if it is truly a gift then you don't owe them for
it. If they gave you a gift then they shouldn't be charging you for
it every day of your life. A lot of parents call it a gift
and then make you feel guilty for everything they do for
you."
Vickie's blog, Parent-Free by
Choice, offers a supportive environment for people to
anonymously share their own stories about their choices. As Vickie
explains;
"No matter what happened to them in childhood or how their
relationship [with their parents] is now, if they feel like it's
not a positive relationship then that is all that matters and they
should have the freedom to get out of it."
